


A History of Wounds

by violethoure666



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Blood, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, If I wrote nine, canon compliant through tlj, intense people with intense feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-29
Updated: 2018-04-29
Packaged: 2019-04-29 11:10:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14471391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/violethoure666/pseuds/violethoure666
Summary: For ReyloWeek2018 Day 5, prompt: wounds. With art by rad-braybury.She crouches over him and her panic is a living thing, twisting around her insides. Ben can't die. She realizes, suddenly and without any hesitation, that if Ben dies she will die too.





	A History of Wounds

 

Full sized image [here](http://rad-braybury.tumblr.com/post/173404575002/reylo-week-day-5-wounds-click-to-embiggen-a).

They're on Dagobah and Rey has never felt anything like it. She's sure that she's been Force sensitive her entire life; it's that sixth sense that's kept her alive on Jakku. It used to be just a whisper, her awareness of a presence before someone could sneak up on her, an extra rush of adrenaline while she was running, always getting the maximum portions for finds. 

 

After the awakening, after Finn and Han and the Resistance, it was a constant companion. She wanted Luke to teach her how to wield it, control it. She was always reaching for it and finding the edges. 

 

But Dagobah is  _ alive _ , the entire planet is teeming with the Force. She had no idea an entire ecosystem, an entire  _ planet _ , could be Force sensitive. 

 

She realizes now how foolish it was to believe the Force is only for humans. 

 

Dagobah is  _ old _ , and it feels  _ sacred _ , and  _ humid _ , and  _ fecund _ . 

 

The ground breathes, the trees sigh and reach around her. She feels strong here, powerful. 

 

Good. She needs the strength.

 

It’s been a few weeks since Crait. Rey has only ever heard the word  _ heartbreak _ in stories. She didn't know it would feel so literal, but closing the door of the Falcon on Ben’s tear-streaked face, she felt her heart absolutely shatter. 

 

She tries to smile for her friends when she gets back but she can't eat, and she finds herself randomly overwhelmed with tears, with a weight inside of her chest so heavy she wants to scream or sleep for a year.

 

She’s so angry, too. Part of her wants to reach blindly through space and time to wrap her mind around Ben’s again, but her pride and her anger keeps her closed off. 

 

He had a choice. He didn't choose the light. He didn't choose her. 

 

Part of her knows that if they had  _ time _ , if they could just spend a little bit of  _ time _ , she could win him over. She could bring about her vision. 

 

But they don't have time. The First Order catches up with them just as they reach the Dagobah system, where they thought they would be safe. It's hellfire, relentless, and the Falcon takes a hit, goes spiraling into the swampland. 

 

It banks in the mud, intact but unable to fly. 

 

The smaller Resistance ships that had been tailing them land as well, ready to come to their aid as the misty sky fills with TIE fighters. 

 

It's a battle of land and sky at first, but the artillery on the Falcon is still working and Rey and BB-8 manage to shoot down most of the TIE fighters, forcing the First Order onto the ground. 

  
  
  
  


Rey has her lightsaber drawn, she's slicing through storm troopers when she feels him. Not the alarming, sudden awareness that comes with the Force bond. No, she can feel him here, physically. His presence is a live wire, a current of electricity that throws her off balance. 

 

She has to physically fight the urge to run to him. She's distracted, and a blaster catches her shoulder. It's a glancing blow, she's lucky, but the pain is sharp and grounding. 

  
  


She growls, charging the storm trooper, resolved again.

 

She can’t help it though--she's connected to him, feels him reel when her shoulder gets hit, feels his own anger and his awareness of her in turn. 

 

It's like the Force is stronger here, like she's got double vision and she can see what's happening in front of her and also what Ben is doing, on the other side of a thicket of trees growing like fingers out of the swamp. 

 

Somehow, their movements are in sync. 

 

She feels a stab of panic,l. What if it comes down to the two of them? What would she do? Could she hurt him? 

 

She knows she can't. 

 

She doesn't have to dwell on it for long, though, because suddenly she is staggering back. She looks down at herself, hand gripping her side because she's sure she's been shot, horribly, fatally. 

 

There is no blood but her hands are shaking and she lifts her head, can see Poe standing with his blaster, raised, can  _ feel _ Ben on the ground. 

 

She  _ screams _ . It's a blood curdling wail, ripped from her body. She charges at Poe and uses the base of her staff to knock him out. He's instantly unconscious, she knows she should feel bad. She  _ doesn't _ . 

 

Ben’s on the ground, leg twisted at an unnatural angle and it's too dark and wet to see the blood but she can smell it and she can  _ feel _ it. 

 

She's shaking. This is a death blow, she feels his breathe rattle through her own lungs, and she can hear him calling for out for her. 

 

She crouches over him and her panic is a living thing, twisting around her insides. Ben can't die. She realizes, suddenly and without any hesitation, that if Ben dies she will die too. There is something vital that connects them. 

 

He looks at her, eyes glassy, and the Force around them is thick and heavy, and she can feel relief.

 

He has no shield up and he almost smiles. She catches his thoughts, and he's  _ so _ glad that she's safe, she sobs.

 

“No, no, no.” Her voice is ragged, and her fingers are shaking when she touches him. 

 

“Rey,” he says, and his voice is clipped and strained. His hand covers hers on his face. 

 

“It's okay, it's okay,” he says. Why is he comforting her? He's the one covered in kriffing blood, dying on the muddy ground of a swamp. 

 

She can feel the Force panicking too, trying to tell her  _ something _ . 

 

“It's not okay, Ben. This is not okay!” 

 

“No, this -- this is  _ good _ , it's better that it's me than you. Better that you didn't have to be the one--”   _ The one to kill me.  _

 

His voice is shaking, he's losing so much blood. 

 

“I would never! Ben I wouldn't hurt you,” she says, and she can feel the Force pushing her, whispering,  _ fix it, fix it _ .

 

“I--I'm gonna fix you,” Rey whispers. 

 

Ben  _ laughs _ and it's such a lovely sound. Force he must really be losing blood, he's delirious, beautiful, pale as moonlight. 

 

“Sweetheart, there's no fixing this, just-- just stay with me?” 

 

His voice cracks on the question. Her heart breaks all over again, she sinks into the mud, hauling him into her lap. 

 

Her hands are in his hair and it's soft as silk. She can't catch her breath. Ben is dying in her arms, she can feel his Force signature flickering, cresting and falling around her. 

 

Her fingers brush the shell of his ear, she's never seen his ears. They're big. She loves them. 

 

He smirks. “They're ugly,” he says. 

 

And suddenly Rey can  _ see _ them, the two of them, and it feels more like a memory than a vision. Her lips on his ear, the way his breath catches and a small shiver takes him. His hands on her face. 

 

She's crying now, for real. 

 

“Ben, do you trust me?” 

 

“Sure, sweetheart,” he whispers and his eyes are heavy. He sounds peaceful, he sounds like he loves her. Rey's stomach drops.  He's so sure he's done, not hiding anything.

 

She  _ can't _ lose him. 

 

This place is ancient, pregnant with energy and she is strong, she's the last kriffing Jedi, and she's going to save Ben Solo. 

 

Rey reaches out, she pulls the energy from around her, lets it flow through her, connecting her to the ground and the trees, to the air and the sound of battle in the distance, to the galaxy and to Ben. 

 

She puts her hands on him--his blood is hot and thick--and she presses the energy from around them into him. 

 

Ben's eyes open, go wide, his lips part and his head rolls back. He sucks in a startled breath. 

 

There is no shield between them, they are one, and so Rey  _ sees _ a history of wounds, both physical and emotional. Time slows, then stops completely. 

 

She's not in the swamp anymore, she's in a kitchen, clean and white, and Ben is there but he can't be older than two. He's beautiful, she desperately wants to hold him, to feel his soft weight in her arms and smell his hair.

 

A kitchen droid is coming up behind him, the long edge of a serrated blade glinting in the artificial light. 

 

Ben turns and suddenly there is a flash of white, the Force, surging up around him, he's manipulating it, even as a baby, and suddenly the droid retracts the knife, beeping in confusion. Ben is terrified. He cries out and she can feel him searching-- _ mama _ , he thinks,  _ dada _ , but there is no one. Just Ben and his terror and things he can't trust. 

 

The room swirls, suddenly Ben is older, maybe six, and he's so angry. The anger itself is aimless and destructive and plates fly off of a table and smash onto the ground. A shard of glass flies up and catches his arm and he screams, blood welling to the surface. The pain is visceral, Rey can feel it. 

 

Han and Leia don't come when he cries. 

 

The scene changes again. Ben is about eleven, he's thin armed and lanky, nose too big for his face. He can hear his parents arguing about him. He can't stand it-- something dark inside of him whispers to let go, to give into that anger and blindly, Ben slams his head against the wall. He hits it so hard that he sees double, feels instantly sick, and falls to the floor. 

 

When he is sixteen he loses a bet. Honestly, it was stupid, but he balls his fists and crashes one into the brick exterior of his parents manor house, crushing a few small bones in his hand. The pain is almost a relief now. He leans into it. 

 

He is so, so lonely. 

 

She sees herself as she slices him from eye to chest, can feel his shock and his pain and his  _ interest _ , even in that moment, how as he falls into the snow on Takodana all he can think is...  _ beautiful _ . He thinks she's beautiful. 

 

No one has ever told Rey that. 

 

Suddenly she is in the swamp again, Ben is a solid weight against her, his hands clawing at her arm. 

 

She can  _ see _ the Force, she's never seen it, didn't know that was possible, but it's all around them and it's coursing through her body, picking up speed as it moves from her and into him. 

 

“Rey!” His eyes are dark shining, disbelief written across his features. “How are you doing this?” 

 

She doesn't know, it's coming from a place outside of herself but also from within, she's healing him with her hands, with her energy, with the universe in their corner.

 

Color is returning to Ben’s face, his thoughts are more cohesive and they're all about her. 

 

She's amazing, she's more powerful than he could ever dream to be and there is no jealousy, just awe and… and love. He loves her. 

 

No one has ever loved Rey.

 

Rey gasps in a strangled breath, the blood has run backward, rising from the mud, she can feel Ben's skin knitting back together. 

 

He's looking at her like she's a miracle, like she's an undiscovered world of treasure. He blinks slowly, moves, sits up. 

 

“Rey--” he's still pale and his eyes are glassy but he's alive, there is no longer a pressing threat of loss and Rey feels her insane panic ebb and be replaced with the reality of their situation. 

 

Poe is lying unconscious on the ground. She knocked out a Resistance officer. She abandoned her friends to save the Supreme Leader of the First Order. 

 

She doesn't regret it. 

 

“We have to get out of here,” Ben says, panicked. He's worried about her, she can feel it. 

 

“Can you walk?” She asks.

 

“Yes, there's a Upsilon shuttle a little way back, hidden--we need to get to it.” 

 

“Okay, hold onto me,” she says. 

 

She can feel Ben think that he doesn't need her help, but he leans into her anyway, just to be close, and her heart soars. 

 

They creep through the gnarled trees until they find the ship. 

 

It takes two people to get it started, and Ben is pale and sweating by the time they break atmo and get into space. 

 

“You need to lie down,” Rey says, putting the shuttle on autopilot and moving to Ben, her hands tracing his face. 

 

She tugs him up by his bloody shirt and then she's pulling it off of him frantically. 

 

She feels a sudden burst of  _ interest _ as she pulls it over his head, a small tangle of  _ nerves _ and  _ excitement _ and  _ want _ . 

 

Oh. 

 

She doesn't dwell on it, drops to her knees instead and runs her hand over the new scar on his side. 

 

She feel his stomach flip through the bond, so strong now, stronger than it's ever been. She can feel his breath in her body too, faster.

 

He's got blood on his skin and scars everywhere, including the one she gave to him and she sobs, pressing her face against him. He smells like blood and water and sweat and Ben. He's okay. He's alive. 

 

“Shh, sweetheart, don't cry. I'm okay.” 

 

“I thought you were gonna die,” she says. 

 

His hands are in her hair, gently pulling her up. She's covered in his blood too. 

 

Ben swallows, his throat working as he does. 

 

“So did I,” he says softly. “I don't know how-- Rey, that shouldn't have been possible. That's not how the Force works.” 

 

“I don't know what happened. I just, I could feel the Force telling me I had to fix it, I knew if-- if you died, Ben, I was gonna follow you.” 

 

“Don't say that,” Ben says sharply.

 

“It wasn't my choice, it's just a fact.” Rey says shaking her head. “Whatever ties me to you it’s-- it's essential. Vital. I can't lose you Ben, please don't leave me.” 

 

“ _ Never _ ,” Ben says, and he’s close to her now, towering over her. 

 

He sighs and drops onto the small cot, cradling his face in his hands.

 

“I saw you when you were little,” Ben says. “I saw you-- waiting. Waiting and waiting and I know you weren't waiting for me, Rey, but it felt like it. It felt like I had to come back, the Force kept telling me not to leave you. I felt like-- like you needed me.” 

 

Tears are falling down her face, heavy and hot. 

 

“What are we doing Ben?” She asks, suddenly panicked. “What-- what does this mean? Did I just like, defect to the kriffing First Order? I hurt Poe,” she says, sobbing. Then she remembers Poe shooting Ben and her anger is so white hot and intense. She knows all of them would kill him, might kill her now too, since she was a traitor.

 

“I'm not going back,” she says, answering her own question. “But I don't wanna go to the First Order.”

 

“Okay,” he says, shrugging. Rey levels him with a sharp gaze. 

 

“Really?” 

 

“I should be dead,” he says. “You're the only reason I'm alive and you're right, they would kill me on sight, and I don't know what they would do to you. They won't trust you now, though.” 

 

They shouldn't. Not when it came to Ben Solo. She would always,  _ always _ pick Ben Solo. 

 

She feels an emotion, intense and hot, roll off Ben at her thought. 

 

“I saw you too, when  _ you _ were little.” 

 

Ben's face lifts to hers, his mouth parting in surprise. 

 

“You were so cute,” Rey says, and smiles, still crying but laughing too. 

 

Ben doesn't laugh, but he lets out a shaky little breath and his mouth quirks up. It's not as nice as when he laughed in the swamp, delirious from blood loss, but good and-- cute. Still so cute. 

 

Ben blushes. Neither of them had tried to close off the bond but it's surprising, being connected on this level. 

 

“And lonely, too,” she whispers. “I'm sorry.”

 

_ I wish I had known you forever _ , she thinks, and then blinks back on surprise because of course Ben heard her, and his face is twisted. 

 

“I know,” he says, “me too. Although I'm like-- what-- ten years older than you?” 

 

“I think eight.” 

 

Ben smiles again, then his face falls and Rey feels how dizzy he is and she chastises herself. 

 

“Lay down,” she says. 

 

“I'm okay--” Ben starts. 

 

“No. One of us has to be capable of flying, really the ship only works well with two, and it's no use if you're so out of it, I feel it too.” 

 

This seems to work. Ben blinks sleepily and settles into the cot, legs bent to fit. His exhaustion floods Rey too. 

 

“Ben?” she says.

 

“Come here,” he mumbles, and the cot is so small but she's so tired, so she curls up, slotting her body over his to fit, and falls with him into dreams.   
  


**Author's Note:**

> If you don't already, follow me on [tumblr](http://r-e-a-l-m-a-t-h.tumblr.com) and [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/violethoure666)


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